Why have I been ignoring it…?
A question that I asked myself about a year ago…just before I started on my journey towards positivity and self belief…But what had I been ignoring?
Let’s take it back some 14 years… I was a determined 19-year-old young woman, who had no idea what she wanted to do with her life, but one thing was for certain, I wanted to be my own boss; have my own company; live by my own rules. I didn’t know what doing; what service; or in what industry, I just knew that’s where I eventually wanted to end up.
The expectations of adulthood made an appearance, replacing my dreams, aspirations, hearts desire and creativity, as they faded away to the back of my mind, but not completely disappearing. I was also growing tired of the restraints that came with being a teenager, I wanted to be more independent. I did the usual normal “to do” thing; I left college and the education system behind me, having been subjected to it for what seemed like an eternity. I wanted to make my own money and working full-time felt like the obvious following step to take.
Retail though? No disrespect! Two of the best women I know work in retail. But for me, this was not a suitable match. Might tell you more about that experience another time. I bounced from job to job for a while, trying to figure out what fit with my personality, my mission, my aim.
Until….I found a match! Something that has been a common theme since I found it. Working with people! Not just any group though! Young people. Helping, supporting, assisting others that maybe had some disadvantaged start to their lives. I loved doing this, I felt I found my niche, my purpose, what I was always supposed to do…Plus…..I was good at it!! Yes! It felt soooo good!
I worked in this industry, with this group for years. I got great experience and met some amazing people along the way, but something still didn’t sit right with me…something was still missing. I still wasn’t 100% happy. Why??!!
I sought for answers in the wrong places, down the wrong avenues and that nagging feeling prevailed! It! Would! Not! Go! Away! Frustrated was not the word!
Until something awoke what I had forgotten about all those years ago! My passion, desire, want to be my own boss! My hubby and I, both being in jobs we absolutely loathed, made a seam in our mind to come open, for our creativity and dreams to seep back in. We spent many a night talking of a world where we would work together as a team; using his knowledge and passion, along side my organisational skills and ambition. We laughed at how outrageous, yet completely doable this was….so we gave it a go…
and it was amazing… We became a partnership in every sense of the word, we moved to the other side of the country and lived out our little fantasy. And we did well! Really well! Our skills and energy matched and we naturally took on our own roles within it…It ended on a high; our little duo partnership became a trio…
This experience awoken something in me and this time, there was no way of quietening it. Seriously! No matter how much I tried, this burning desire to “do my own thing” wasn’t going anywhere. I’d gotten a taste of what life could be like and I was hungry for more! I must have thought (and I’m not exaggerating when I say this) of a hundred different business ideas. I trawled the internet for inspiration of what I could do with little or next to no money and (with what I thought at the time) very little obvious talent? I also needed to be true to myself. I couldn’t do something for the sake of making money . Money had to be a by-product of what I was doing, not necessarily instantaneous and certainly not my sole purpose. It also had to relate somehow to what I knew, my previous experience, what I was good at….
The internet came through! Well Instagram to be exact! I followed my instinct and bought an eBook advertised, that guaranteed, a fool proof idea of starting your own business and having it up and running in a matter of three days, with no start-up costs. It must be a con! I watched this account like a hawk! I watched the comments, to see if anyone would give any negative feedback to feed my pessimistic thoughts. The price of this book kept dropping from $30, to $25, to $20, then $15. Final offer, only 24 hours left! Honestly, I never every fall for stuff like this! I mean never! I can see straight through sales pitches or marketing tactics etc… it’s part of my gift, but for some reason, something was telling me to go for it. I gave my optimism a turn, I thought, what was the worse that could happen? I lose out on £11? On the other hand, if it helped, it would be worth every penny right?! The hype built up around the arrival of this eBook. It would land in my inbox by a certain date and it would change my life…apparently. Sceptical Serena, thought otherwise. However deep down, I highly anticipated this eBook.
It was D-day. The eBook had landed! I’d been conned!! Well, kind of and not at the same time. The author bragged about how she had got us to purchase her eBook, but it also gave me food for thought. An idea that I had not yet explored, but had been staring me right in the face all along. And so my journey began….
Energy flows where the focus goes….is a true statement. Once I put my thoughts into actions, something amazing happened. I started to believe that I could do this, thoughts of my past and the experiences I had gone through made complete sense! I knew now why and their reasons for them happening. I was reminded about singular unrelated experiences I’d had and used that knowledge I had gained, at times, ten or more years ago, to execute my plans. My creativity and ideas spilled out in the most bizarre places and I had to find ways to capture them. One idea lead to the other and before I knew it, I was in too deep; there was no way I was quitting. That was no longer an option. I began to completely “trust the process”
If you follow me on Instagram, you may recall a post I made about needing to make a decision that was difficult to make (the post was a pink background with decisions x 3 on it?) but seemed like the right thing to do? Anyways, that decision I made was to find another job, not because I didn’t like what I was doing, it was for other reasons I won’t go into right now. However, it seemed like the right thing to do.
I found five jobs to apply for. I was bound to get one of them right?!
Of those five applications; I got interviews to three, they were all withdrawn for various reasons before the interview. The other two jobs disappeared, as I was about to submit the applications, as if they didn’t exist! I was frustrated to say the least! You know how much effort applying for one job takes! You could say this was coincidence, or that they changed their mind about interviewing me, or whatever you like. But one thing became clear to me; it certainly was not the right path for me. And looking back, I was right! So I gave up on that idea and focused on what I felt I was meant to! I redirected my mind away from what I couldn’t control or change and “trusted the process” would get me to my destination.
I put my “trust in the process”…but what does this actually mean?
Following ideas that feel right, knowing that the end result is not necessarily the most important and what you learn along the way is.
It means doing the things you know you must do, that scare you,
that take you out of your comfort zone, that challenge you, that help you towards your goal.
It means ignoring the negativity, fighting through it and knowing that you will end up where you are meant to be.
It means not trying to fight against what’s meant to be, knowing when that path is right or wrong for you.
It means not ignoring the obvious signs in front of you, including your own desires…
This journey has taken me on a ride so far and I’ve done things that I never even viewed were part of my plan, but during the process became a MUST DO, to reach my ultimate goal! Without sounding too cheesy, I’m just a normal woman, with a normal background, trying to follow what feels right, to get to where I want to be. I’m not there yet, but I tell you something… I’m enjoying the ride so far….I dare you to do the same!
So…what have you been ignoring? I ignored myself for damn near 20 years and I’m only just starting to realise what I’m doing, is what I always should have done. But isn’t hindsight a beautiful thing…you only learn it once you’ve been through it right?
Ask yourself, is it positive? Does it scare you? Would you feel amazing if you achieved it? Would it add value to your life if you pulled it off? If yes, take this as your calling, your sign, to stop denying yourself of that thing you’ve wanted to do for ages and give it a try! You never know the journey it may take you on…..
If you got this far, THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading! If you’re still reading, you may as well subscribe to my blog and get alerts direct to your inbox of new blogs?